Often we hear the phrase, “gotta take care of number one.” And it is true— you do have to take care of yourself first. It is the foundation of being self-reliant.
However there is a flip side to this and that is, if you always put yourself first in everything, you are selfish, self-centered and not someone who is fun to be around.
So I think the rule is—take care of your personal needs, look after yourself, but when it comes to the needs of others, apply the golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated.
How does all this involve dadding? Well, the first place in life where being second is necessary is with your kids. In other words, your kids come first. OK I am not suggesting that they get their way all the time, or that you jump anytime they want something. What I am saying is that their need for you as their dad is fulfilled before you fill your own needs. And that can be demanding, but it has to be so.
I always say that a dad is the most important man in a kid’s life. When the kid needs support, advice, comfort, or direction from his or her dad, the dad stops watching TV, stops his working on-line, stops dealing with emails, and gives the kid the support, advice, comfort and direction he or she needs.
So, now you are red in the face with anger thinking: I do not want to spoil my kids! I am not going to always stop everything anytime they say they want something. Well cool down. I am not saying that you need to immediately respond to each and every request that your kid makes. On the contrary, that would spoil your kid.
What I am saying is that you need to let your children know that you are always there for them. When and if necessary, you will drop everything to come to their side. You will put them first when they really need you. You are their backstop and downfield blocker, (to draw on two sports metaphors). In short they can count on their dad.
It can be tough to give up taking care of number one for your kids. But it will pay off handsomely. You will give your kids the confidence that they are valued and important—especially to you—the most important man in their lives.
Tis the season of rushing, gifting, eating, drinking and trying to be jolly. All the anticipation and all the responsibilities of being a Dad during the holidays can be real hard to deal with. So in this post I am going to encourage you to look after yourself as you look after others. Enjoy the season!
Try to do what you can to keep things cheerful and pleasant.
You will be more relaxed if you do.
Try to show others a good time. You will be more satisfied with the results.
Try to do things that make everyone you meet better because they met you.
You will be in charge.
Take time to listen to others, carefully and thoughtfully and respond sincerely.
You will be appreciated.
Give time to others, children, spouse, family and friends.
You will feel their joy.
Read to your kids and grandkids while sitting close to them and speaking in soft tones.
It creates lasting memories of you.
Try not to correct your children in front of others. Realize they are excited and tired and really often not on their best behavior on holidays. Go easy on them. A gentle father, understanding, loving and supportive is the best instruction a child can receive.
You will enjoy the holidays if you look after yourself, not by indulging yourself by being the boss and the center of everything. Rather you will make a mark during the holidays and throughout the year if you consider the impact you have on your children. Successful dads have self-esteem and self-control and they teach their children more by what they do then by what they say.
By the way, if you know other dads who would like to know about The Manual for Dads please tell them. And let me know what you think. Remember Better Dads, Better Kids, A Better World for All.
The wise Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living”. To do this we must examine our actions to evaluate how we are meeting our personal ideals and goals. If you are reading this you are sure to be one who is serious about living a purposeful life, so here is a thought about Father’s Day.
Why not look at each Father’s Day as the beginning of a New Year as a dad? Take a little time out of the day to examine what you are doing as a dad and what you want to do better during the next year. Things I try to always improve on are being a good listener, being thoughtful and caring, patient and kind — being determined and focused, strong and courageous. All of these are virtues of a good dad. And none of us is perfect at them all, but we can continue to practice. Examine yourself, be kind to yourself but firm, and do this all out of love and respect for your children.
You might ask your kids, “How am I doing as your dad?” Make this a playful question and expect playful answers, but listen to what they are not saying, too. It is important to point out here, if there are any real family problems going on, Father’s Day is not the day to explore them. This is a day to show happiness and gratitude without any rancor or discord.
It is a good day to tell your kids how grateful you are to be their dad! Tell them that you love them and always try to do everything for them that is in their best interest. (Don’t be too surprised if they roll their eyes at that.) Remember you can celebrate Father’s Day only because of your kids! Once again they are at the center of this celebration and let them know it.
Finally, take a bow! It is not easy to be a good dad. A good dad is always present to his kid’s needs and concerns, and that takes its toll on a guy. A dad has to “make it up” as he goes because no one has ever faced exactly the demands he deals with daily, and that takes its toll. So as you examine how you are doing, take time to think about all the good you are doing each day — and take a bow.
Have a wonderful day Man. Happy New Year and take a bow.
The Manual for Dads 